I don't have much diversity in my wardrobe. In fact, my fairly orthodox outfits are almost studious in their dullness. True, I have a few novelty tees and nicer shirts, but in general my presentation never varies far from the 90s tried and true jeans and t-shirt motif.
However, if you study closely, you can tell what kind of day it is by my outfit. (I'm guessing this is true of most people, especially girls, and thus any "Did you read that in Cosmo" comments are hereby addressed with a simple: Back off, this is MY blog!)
For example, today I woke up, tired, cold, and groggy. I knew the day would be warm, so I nixed the XXXL Provo High hoodie, despite the sore temptation to suffer through the heat stroke. I didn't want anything too fitted because I was feeling sloppy and fat, and didn't want to have to think about such taxing activities as posture. So, jeans (duh) and a one-size, unflattering, black t-shirt was the final verdict. If Rosemary-land, this also entitles me to eat like a 6-year-old.
Now, if I had elected to go with something colored or fitted or remotely cute, it would have been selective snacking and water all day. Seeing as I already looked like grunge-stricken teenager, it was soda, chocolate, crackers, chocolate frosted flakes, and 1/3 loaf of sourdough bread with jam. Mmmmmmmm. It really didn't help my roll-in-each-hand image that my hair was lankly hanging down either side of my face. Hey, at least I put make up on today. (For those of you who haven't seen me regularly, that's becoming an increasingly rare event.)
And so, as I sit here munching on the heel of a sourdough loaf, I think of a surprised Michael Cera exclaiming, "Bread makes you fat?!" and wonder if tomorrow, it will be cold enough for an over sized sweater.
Here's to hoping!
9.29.2010
9.21.2010
My Day of Teaching Snot-Nosed High Schoolers and the Psychological Repercussions
I stole this idea from Mary's sister Kristen's friend because it amused me so much that telling the events of the day in bullet points can real be more revealing about just what kind of day you've had than if you actually explained it all in detail.
So.
My Day of Teaching Snot-Nosed High Schoolers and the Psychological Repercussions
(in bullets)
-Got to work 20 minutes late and was on receiving end of the nastiest crusty from the office secretary when I went to pick up the key.
-Tripped on the stairs heading to the classroom.
-It's about 40 degrees in here.
-Got locked out when I went for a drink.
-Duct taped the office open.
-Spilled a palm-full of hand sanitizer on my pants.
-Noticed a gaggle of students watching me try to soak the blob of hand sanitizer up with a spare piece of printer paper.
-Took attendance in 3rd period (Creative Writing) on the nifty laminated seating chart with a wet-erase marker.
-Got wet-erase marker on my face.
-Opened my Diet Coke.
-Got Diet Coke on my face.
-Sent the Seniors to SEOPS. Juniors started on their in class essay. Juniors tried to convince me that they were Seniors.
-Explained for the nth time what a thesis sentence is. One student turned it in at the end of class.
-17-year-old flirted with me for 45 minutes while I was ignoring him and working on my own homework. Yes, I totally cared about how you flipped a guy over your shoulder in front of his totally hot girlfriend and then got her number.
-Helped a little baby junior with her essay during the stupid 1/2 hour of wasted time (thank you, Mrs. Briggs) called Enrichment/Intervention. Go me.
-Sent Seniors from 5th period to SEOPS.
-In-class essay. They actually did it. AP: 1, Creative Writing: I hate you.
-Ran to meet my mom.
-Drove my mom to class.
-Drove back to PHS, late.
-Ran into 7th period (Technical Writing).
-Panicked and yelled, "Seniors, to the Presentation room."
-Ran after them and gave them their homework.
-Ran back to class. Gave juniors their work.
-Ran into my reading class. Turned on a movie. (Oh, hush. It's kinda teaching.)
-Ran back to Tech Writing. Went over handout. Started computers up.
-Computers wouldn't work.
-Restarted computers.
-Told them to do it anyway.
-Wrote this blog.
-Cried a little inside.
-Bell rang.
So.
My Day of Teaching Snot-Nosed High Schoolers and the Psychological Repercussions
(in bullets)
-Got to work 20 minutes late and was on receiving end of the nastiest crusty from the office secretary when I went to pick up the key.
-Tripped on the stairs heading to the classroom.
-It's about 40 degrees in here.
-Got locked out when I went for a drink.
-Duct taped the office open.
-Spilled a palm-full of hand sanitizer on my pants.
-Noticed a gaggle of students watching me try to soak the blob of hand sanitizer up with a spare piece of printer paper.
-Took attendance in 3rd period (Creative Writing) on the nifty laminated seating chart with a wet-erase marker.
-Got wet-erase marker on my face.
-Opened my Diet Coke.
-Got Diet Coke on my face.
-Sent the Seniors to SEOPS. Juniors started on their in class essay. Juniors tried to convince me that they were Seniors.
-Explained for the nth time what a thesis sentence is. One student turned it in at the end of class.
-17-year-old flirted with me for 45 minutes while I was ignoring him and working on my own homework. Yes, I totally cared about how you flipped a guy over your shoulder in front of his totally hot girlfriend and then got her number.
-Helped a little baby junior with her essay during the stupid 1/2 hour of wasted time (thank you, Mrs. Briggs) called Enrichment/Intervention. Go me.
-Sent Seniors from 5th period to SEOPS.
-In-class essay. They actually did it. AP: 1, Creative Writing: I hate you.
-Ran to meet my mom.
-Drove my mom to class.
-Drove back to PHS, late.
-Ran into 7th period (Technical Writing).
-Panicked and yelled, "Seniors, to the Presentation room."
-Ran after them and gave them their homework.
-Ran back to class. Gave juniors their work.
-Ran into my reading class. Turned on a movie. (Oh, hush. It's kinda teaching.)
-Ran back to Tech Writing. Went over handout. Started computers up.
-Computers wouldn't work.
-Restarted computers.
-Told them to do it anyway.
-Wrote this blog.
-Cried a little inside.
-Bell rang.
9.13.2010
Literature Abuse: America's Hidden Affliction
Are You a Literature Abuser?
by Michael McGrorty
LITERATURE ABUSE: AMERICA'S HIDDEN AFFLICTION
Once a relatively rare disorder, Literature Abuse (or "readaholism") has risen to crisis levels due to the accessibility of higher education and increased college enrollment since the end of the Second World War. The number of literature abusers is currently at record levels.
CAUSES of PROBLEM READING:
Excessive reading during pregnancy is the major cause of prenatal Literature Abuse (LA) among the children of heavy readers. Known as Fetal Fiction Syndrome, it leaves its tiny victims prone to a lifetime of nearsightedness, daydreaming, and emotional instability.
Most abusers have at least one parent who abused literature, often beginning at an early age and progressing into adulthood. Siblings of abusers are also likely to become literature abusers. Spouses of an abuser may themselves become problem readers.
Other predisposing factors: parents who are English teachers, professors, or heavy
fiction readers; parents who do not encourage children to play games, participate in
healthy sports, or watch television.
SOCIAL COSTS of LITERARY ABUSE:
Abusers become withdrawn and uninterested in society or normal relationships. They
fantasize, daydreaming about "castles in the air," while neglecting work, friends, and family. In severe cases "problem readers" develop bad posture from reading in awkward positions or from carrying heavy book bags.
SELF-TEST FOR LITERATURE ABUSE
How many of these apply to you?
I have read fiction when I was depressed, or to cheer myself up.
I have gone on reading "binges."
I read rapidly, often "gulping" chapters.
I sometimes read early in the morning, or before work.
Sometimes I avoid friends or family obligations in order to read novels.
I often read alone.
I have pretended to watch television while secretly reading.
I keep books or magazines in the bathroom for a "quick nip."
I have denied or "laughed off" criticism of my reading habit.
Heavy reading has caused conflicts with my family or spouse.
I am unable to enjoy myself with others unless there is a book nearby.
I seldom leave my house without a book or magazine.
When traveling, I pack a large bag full of books.
At a party, I will often slip off unnoticed to read.
Reading has made me seek haunts and companions which I would otherwise avoid.
I have neglected personal hygiene or household chores until I finished a novel.
I become nervous, disoriented or fearful when I must spend more than 15 minutes
without reading matter.
I have spent money meant for necessities on books instead.
I have sold books to support my reading "habit."
I have daydreamed about becoming a rich & famous writer, or "word- pusher."
I have attempted to check out more library books than is permitted.
Most of my friends are heavy fiction readers.
I have sometimes woken groggy or "hung-over" after a night of heavy reading.
I have wept, become angry or irrational because of something I read.
I have sometimes wished I did not read so much.
Sometimes I think my fiction reading is out of control.
If you answered "yes" to five or more of these questions, you may be a literature abuser--know the risks. Affirmative responses to ten or more indicates a serious reading problem --seek help now! Fifteen or more "yes" responses indicates a severe or chronic "readaholic" personality; intervention is seldom effective at this stage.
WARNING: "Reading Addiction" has been classified as "behavior with a significant voluntary component," as defined in the Beatty-Eisner Amendment. If you are declared a "known literature abuser," you will become INELIGIBLE for SSA disability payments and/or ADA protections. Your fate is likely to be a life of poverty and despair, drifting from one dead-end job to another, as you wallow shamelessly in and escape into the causes of your addiction.
Source: http://home.tiac.net/~cri/1999/abuse.html
by Michael McGrorty
LITERATURE ABUSE: AMERICA'S HIDDEN AFFLICTION
Once a relatively rare disorder, Literature Abuse (or "readaholism") has risen to crisis levels due to the accessibility of higher education and increased college enrollment since the end of the Second World War. The number of literature abusers is currently at record levels.
CAUSES of PROBLEM READING:
Excessive reading during pregnancy is the major cause of prenatal Literature Abuse (LA) among the children of heavy readers. Known as Fetal Fiction Syndrome, it leaves its tiny victims prone to a lifetime of nearsightedness, daydreaming, and emotional instability.
Most abusers have at least one parent who abused literature, often beginning at an early age and progressing into adulthood. Siblings of abusers are also likely to become literature abusers. Spouses of an abuser may themselves become problem readers.
Other predisposing factors: parents who are English teachers, professors, or heavy
fiction readers; parents who do not encourage children to play games, participate in
healthy sports, or watch television.
SOCIAL COSTS of LITERARY ABUSE:
Abusers become withdrawn and uninterested in society or normal relationships. They
fantasize, daydreaming about "castles in the air," while neglecting work, friends, and family. In severe cases "problem readers" develop bad posture from reading in awkward positions or from carrying heavy book bags.
SELF-TEST FOR LITERATURE ABUSE
How many of these apply to you?
I have read fiction when I was depressed, or to cheer myself up.
I have gone on reading "binges."
I read rapidly, often "gulping" chapters.
I sometimes read early in the morning, or before work.
Sometimes I avoid friends or family obligations in order to read novels.
I often read alone.
I have pretended to watch television while secretly reading.
I keep books or magazines in the bathroom for a "quick nip."
I have denied or "laughed off" criticism of my reading habit.
Heavy reading has caused conflicts with my family or spouse.
I am unable to enjoy myself with others unless there is a book nearby.
I seldom leave my house without a book or magazine.
When traveling, I pack a large bag full of books.
At a party, I will often slip off unnoticed to read.
Reading has made me seek haunts and companions which I would otherwise avoid.
I have neglected personal hygiene or household chores until I finished a novel.
I become nervous, disoriented or fearful when I must spend more than 15 minutes
without reading matter.
I have spent money meant for necessities on books instead.
I have sold books to support my reading "habit."
I have daydreamed about becoming a rich & famous writer, or "word- pusher."
I have attempted to check out more library books than is permitted.
Most of my friends are heavy fiction readers.
I have sometimes woken groggy or "hung-over" after a night of heavy reading.
I have wept, become angry or irrational because of something I read.
I have sometimes wished I did not read so much.
Sometimes I think my fiction reading is out of control.
If you answered "yes" to five or more of these questions, you may be a literature abuser--know the risks. Affirmative responses to ten or more indicates a serious reading problem --seek help now! Fifteen or more "yes" responses indicates a severe or chronic "readaholic" personality; intervention is seldom effective at this stage.
WARNING: "Reading Addiction" has been classified as "behavior with a significant voluntary component," as defined in the Beatty-Eisner Amendment. If you are declared a "known literature abuser," you will become INELIGIBLE for SSA disability payments and/or ADA protections. Your fate is likely to be a life of poverty and despair, drifting from one dead-end job to another, as you wallow shamelessly in and escape into the causes of your addiction.
Source: http://home.tiac.net/~cri/1999/abuse.html
9.09.2010
I always knew . . .
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_carriage.png
Emily Dickinson is such a rock star.
Emily Dickinson is such a rock star.
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